I may not be a good runner. Lord knows I'm not a great runner. I wouldn't even consider myself a *real* runner. But, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, I got up, moved my body slightly faster than walking, and therefore I was (am? will be again?) a runner.
Injury. The great derailer of my aerobic meditation/medication.
It's true, when I look back on the course of this injury, I could just be another unnamed 'runner' in some how-to/how-not-to run book or magazine. I'm nauseatingly predictable in the way I chose to ignore, ignore, ignore (which, by the way, I claim as one of my great life strategies) the signs and symptoms along the way. I chose to focus on the something else, push through, run in spite of pain. UNTIL I was sidelined.
It's been T H R E E weeks since I lopped along. Three. Whole. Weeks.
Right off, I see the good things. Like I haven't killed my kids or myself. I haven't flown off the handle or cried uncontrollably. I haven't even made any rude hand gestures while driving. All these things shock me because I thought I'd be a raving lunatic without my daily timeout. I'm not any more lunatic than any other day. That's good, right?
Second, I -- me -- I followed a practitioner's directions. I feel like I deserve a medal for this. I'm not a direction or rule follower by nature. I'm a rule skirter. There's a distinction. I usually follow along just enough to be socially and legally acceptable. Other than that, it's anyone's guess.
Third, it was suggested and I balked, that in place of running, I take up silent, still meditation. The good here is -- well, I haven't done it yet, but the idea of it now, today, doesn't make me want to barf near as much as when it was suggested three weeks ago. That's progress. I'm not a stranger to silent, still meditation. It's just nothing that appeals to me these days. I like my life on the go, two birds-one stone-ness of running in a meditative state.
Fourth, I've had time to refine my updated 2013 Running For My Life Playlist. I've chucked tired tunes and included new ones. Even purchased a few. My life is changing and it's time for many of my used-up, over-played, yesterday things to move on out the door. I need space for the new goodness that I see right before me.
Fifth, ego-check, AKA humility...I signed up for a race, and didn't run it. I'm having a hard time knowing what to do with my bib...the unused one. I've never had an unused bib before. It seems unsightly and to signify freedom all the same time.
Sixth, patience. Virtue, so I'm told. Not. My. Strong. Suit. I'm fidgety and don't make a good caged animal. But P A T I E N C E has come to sit in my lap and I haven't had to braid her hair with my restless fingers or do a rendition of "Carry Me, Marry Me" with her jiggled on my knees. We've sat together long enough that I finally got the OKAY to WALK outdoors. Walk slowly, with intention with focus, paying attention to my footfalls and my stride.
This practitioner told me, and I believe him, that I'm going to have to learn how to walk again before I learn how to run. And that's what it feels like I'm doing in this life, at this time, in these days of slow and slowed down and (kind of) stillness...I'm learning to walk before I run.
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